Fucking Farmyard

"Well barbeque my hamhocks, I say what, I say what have we here?"

"Step aside chicken, I'm here for my pig."

"Nice girl, but about as sharp as a sack of wet mice."

"Oh shut up."

"OK, I'll shut up. I'm not one that has to keep talkin'..."

"There he is." I eyeballed the oversized rooster. "Give me a hand and I'll get out of your ... feathers."

The bastard just stood there smirking at me. So I picked up a mixer and whacked him in the head with it. "I can keep this up all day." I smiled to let him know how much I'd enjoy that.

"Now what, I say, what's the big idea bashin' me on the noggin..."

"Thick. Help or I'll keep this up." I swung the mixer again, satisfied when it make a sharp crack against his skull.

"Now looka, I say, looka heah. A course I'll help ya."

"That's more like it." I dropped the mixer to the ground. A little disappointed I wouldn't get to smack him again.

I figured the bird was big enough that he wouldn't have any trouble catching one giant pig in the belly of a shark.

I was wrong...