The Odelisk - 2

It would have been nice if Big Dog would have given me a description of the man I was after. But no, for some reason they didn't feel I had a need to know that information.

Honestly, I think the pinheads didn't fucking know the information to begin with.

I started out across the island, figuring I'd run into people sooner or later, and could then use my wiles to figure out who this mysterious Mr. Smith was.

I saw a lot of those really big heads, but not another living soul until I'd wandered into a developed area. Even then, the person I ran into was an ancient lawns keeper, who was walking the fine line of dementia.

"What'd ya say he looked like?"

"I didn't."

The groundsman scruched his face in concentration. "There's a Taco Bell about half a mile from here."

After several minutes of this, I managed to find out that a man had recently rented a villa a short ways down the path. The only new resident to the island in the last three weeks.

DAMN

I just got buried under a ton of work.
I don't know how busy I'll be for the next few days, so keep checking back, but I might not be able to update the "adventure" for a bit.

You can still make lewd and physically impossible suggestions to me though. ;-)

The Odelisk

I'd accepted an assignment from a government organization that's so secret, even I didn't know who they really were. To me, they were simply called "Big Dog".

I didn't usually pay any attention to those on the side of law and order, but these guys were just twisted enough to be totally entertaining.

I was told only enough to prepare for the mission, and nothing else.

But once we reached the island, it was easy enough to identify where I was.

My mission here was simple enough: Find Mr. Smith and relieve him of the Odelisk.

Mr. Smith was to be considered armed and dangerous.

Fine by me, since I knew I was.

I started a basic scan of the islan--hey, these heads make for a really good back scratcher...

Hurts So Good

Satisfaction

That last adventure did not end in a satisfying way.

I hope to find that satisfaction with the next one...

Pig Roast

"I say, I say catchin' that porker will be a snap."

I watched as the giant pig tore up the other junk inside the shark while the oversized bird chased him.

"Any time chicken."

The pig had a good lead, when he suddenly turned in my direction, and before I knew it the fucking thing had plowed me down.

That was it. I'd had enough of this fucking adventure, and enough of the monster pig.

"Get us out of here Indy."

"But what about--"

The explosion was a magnificent thing. Made me come.

Twice.

Almost made up for the loss I was taking on the pork.

Relief Break

Fantasy or Reality? It's up to you...

Fucking Farmyard

"Well barbeque my hamhocks, I say what, I say what have we here?"

"Step aside chicken, I'm here for my pig."

"Nice girl, but about as sharp as a sack of wet mice."

"Oh shut up."

"OK, I'll shut up. I'm not one that has to keep talkin'..."

"There he is." I eyeballed the oversized rooster. "Give me a hand and I'll get out of your ... feathers."

The bastard just stood there smirking at me. So I picked up a mixer and whacked him in the head with it. "I can keep this up all day." I smiled to let him know how much I'd enjoy that.

"Now what, I say, what's the big idea bashin' me on the noggin..."

"Thick. Help or I'll keep this up." I swung the mixer again, satisfied when it make a sharp crack against his skull.

"Now looka, I say, looka heah. A course I'll help ya."

"That's more like it." I dropped the mixer to the ground. A little disappointed I wouldn't get to smack him again.

I figured the bird was big enough that he wouldn't have any trouble catching one giant pig in the belly of a shark.

I was wrong...

Not Happening

"Babes, what the fuck do you think you're doing?"

"I'm going in after my pig!"

Pork Snack

He'd just turned back towards the beach when ...

The porker's namesake roared out of the water.

"God damn, motherfucking, son of a bitch!" I hung out the door screaming at the shark.

Then the deadly predator started slowly sinking beneath the waves, taking the giant pig with him.

Pig in the Sky

Indy swung the chopper around and I prepared the ropes. I didn't necessarily have to capture the animal, but I wasn't sure that the shack that was paying me for the meat would want it pre-salted.

Roping the fucker was a whole lot easier than I thought it would be, Indy swinging out over the water, once the load was secure.

Whale watch

Frustrated, we followed the pigs tracks down the road, until they branched off towards the ocean.

"Taking an afternoon dip, you suppose?" I smirked at Indy.

He just shook his head and accelerated.

"I have no fucking idea what that pig is up to." I watched as the bovine rooted around in the sand.

"Come on, let's get the chopper and rope this pig."

Porker, not Pokey

Shit. I should have kept an eye on the great white. He was barrelling down the road towards us, his mangy gang bounding along beside him.

I opened my mouth to warned Indy, but it was too late.

"Fuck me." I spat out a mouthful of dirt as I rolled to my knees.

"Exactly how were you going to kill it?" I could tell he was laughing at me.

"I hadn't worked it out that far yet." One of the cats bit me. I cursed at it then scrambled to my feet. I looked in the direction the pig had run, and couldn't see it anywhere.

Whale Clowder

The pig grunted loud enough that we heard him. Then he rose ponderously to his feet and started advancing on us.

"Okay, that's one gigantic pig. Now why do we want him?" Indy put his arm out in front of me when I took a step towards the whale.

"Because he's the head of the meanest, nastiest clowder in the country." Really, why else?

"Of course," Indy dropped his arm. "I should have known it was something like that."

I started, once again, towards the great white, when I thought of what Expat had asked. "Say Indy, what do you have in that bag of yours?"

Indy's grin was so wicked I flooded my panties on the spot.

Fish Stories...

Indy turned the helicopter over the reef once, giving me a spectacular view of it.

"Makes sense the great white whale would chose this location."

"Um Indy, he's not actually in the ocean."

Indy flicked a glance in my direction. "What's that supposed to mean?"

I ignored his question for a moment while I searched the shoreline for the landmarks Cap'n Ahab had given me. "There," I pointed where I was looking, "land over there."

Indy set the chopper down in the slough, and I scrambled out.

"Care to explain to me why we're searching for a whale in a cornfield?"

"Sure, come with me." I started walking away from him. "Whale is sort of a nickname for him."

Indy caught up to me, then matched my pace. "A nickname?"

"Yeah. See he's really this enormous, monster of a pig."

Indy came to a halt and turned towards me. "We're hunting a PIG?" He waved an arm at me in an impatient gesture. "I can't believe any pig would merit that kind of attention."

"Heh, you might want to take a look ahead then."

Meanwhile ...

Captain Ahab gets to contemplate his encounter with Batbitch.

And her dental tools ...

The Great White Way

I met Indy at his plane, and told him about my current adventure. Surprisingly, he simply raised an eyebrow at me, shook his head, and helped me aboard.

First we had to stop at a town that manufactured specialized traps, and arrange for one to be sent to the destination I'd tortured out of Ahab.

Once that had been accomplished, Indy comandeered a helicopter, and we were off across the country.

Fuck me, it was a beautiful sight.

Whale Tales

Fuck me, the guy was a moron. I climbed up on top of the bar and started walking toward where he'd taken a seat near a family.

"Get your ass back behind the bar Ahab."

He turned his chubby little face up towards me and smiled. "Please, call me Ishmael."

"Only if you get back behind the bar."

I stared at him for several moments before he shrugged and resumed his place at the bar.

"Okay Ishmael," I climbed down and narrowed my eyes at him. "I'm looking for the great white whale, and I've been told you know where to find him."

"You don't want to find that demon." Sweat popped out along Santa's hairline.

"Actually, I specialize in demons." I leaned across the bar and grabbed him by the front of his shirt. "Now where can I find him?"

He glanced around wildly, then bent and placed his mouth right against my ear.

And whispered to me.

"You have got to be fucking kidding me!" I checked his expression, the way his eyes were wide, the heavy breathing. They all said the man was telling me the truth. And a truth that scared the hell out of him. "Oh my fucking God... "

Captain ... WTF?

This Santa Claus lookin dude can't possibly be Captain Ahab. "Erm ... are you Captain Ahab?"

"CALL ME ISHMAEL!"

Yeah, this was going to work out well.

Call me ...

I got a tip telling me the owner here had information about the great white whale.

I was also reminded, that today is Valentine's day. So come on down guys, and get your Valentine's kiss.

I'll be giving them out all day today. Maybe even tomorrow. ;-)

Rock & Roll

ROAD TRIP!!!

Fucking Like ...

And I thought I was kinky ...

Friday Night!

PARTY!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Midnight Snack

I was just wandering around when I saw these guys. Had the munchies, so I figured I'd wait for them to finish up killing each other.

Nothing like fresh meat...

The Art of Negotiation

"What the fuck is this supposed to be?"

"That's the Abominable Snowman." Okay, so it wasn't much of him, but it was all we could recover.

"Yeah right." The man went back to working on his gun. "You'll get the bounty when you bring me the rest of him."

I reached into the back of my skirt for my dagger. I was going to get my bounty money out of this prick. I was just about to launch myself on the man when Indy grabbed me. "Let me handle this."

I gritted my teeth, but nodded. Then watched as Indy strolled over to the dude, and punched him right in the jaw before I even saw it coming. "I can keep this up all day." He didn't bother to help the man back to his feet.

"Look at what she brought me." The man waved at the pile of Yeti parts I'd placed on his counter.

Indy just looked at the man, and punched him again.

The guy didn't bother getting up this time. "All right already! I'll go get the money for her."

Break

Fuck with me at your own peril!

Just thought you all needed the reminder.

Snow More...

"Where the hell are they taking him?" I shot a glance at Indy who chuckled at me.

"To collect the bounty, of course." He continued to grin as he flew his plane in a circle over the helicopter.

I rolled my eyes and slouched further into the seat. "There any booze on this thing?"

I had my hand on the harness release when the plane bucked. "Wha...?" A quick look out the window showed the chopper a blazing ball of flame. "Fuck me!"

Well shit...

"Damn, that was a tight fit." But could they get the door shut?

With a little struggling on the men's part, they managed to jam it into place. Indy and I stepped back, and I held my breath, and prayed the chopper could make it off the ground.

"There they go." I watched in satisfaction as the bird took to the air.

"Babes," Indy shaded his eyes as he watched the helicopter recede into the distance. "You did tell them where to take him, didn't you?"

Mine's Bigger than Yours...

"Er ... yes, you're the only one for me." Indy shot a look in my direction that promised retribution.

"You're doing great!" Okay, so I could almost be understood through my laughter. It was then, that I noticed the absolutely funniest thing about this entire adventure. "Say Indy..."

"What, can't you see I'm busy here?" Indy's voice was muffled as the Snowman embraced his head.

"Just a quick question. How exactly are we going to get him into your plane?"

Indy pried himself loose from the embrace. "Fuck."

Just then the answer to our prayers arrived. Or did it?

Snow Job

"Come on Indy." It took everything I had not to laugh. "Now get naked and give it your best."

"I am not getting naked for a Yeti." Indy glowered at me, sighed, then headed for the creature. "You are so going to owe me a blow job when this is over."

Hell, I was going to do more than blow him if he got Abominable to come along with us. There was a $250K bounty on the beasts head.

Indy stopped right in front of the Snowman, and cleared his throat. "Erm ... Hey big boy ..."

Snowballs

"I can't believe I'm doing this."

"Just get your clothes off, and get on with it."

"Hey big boy." I glanced all the way up at the Snowman's face. "How about you and me ... what the fuck?"

The Yeti had taken all of one look at me, then riveted his attention elsewhere.

"Uh, Indy?" I turned around, trying to keep a straight face. "Looks to me like you'll need to be showing some skin here. See how good you are at charming the big guy into coming with us."